Human being

It's pretty incredible how God communicates. Sometimes it's in the form of a cold or allergies or a sinus infection. I honestly have no idea what ails me, but I am weak and tired. My sinuses are stuffed and my head is in a fog. So my head being in a fog is nothing new, but I am rundown.

I rested on the weekend, but it was difficult. I still did a few things. I tried to take a nap on Sunday, but I could not sleep with a runny nose and a fan blowing in my face.

As I drove to work, thinking perhaps I should have stayed home, I realized I needed to take the afternoon off. No attending cardio hip hop or my community group. While I was not a fan, I realized spending time to rest was much needed. I don't let myself do nothing anymore. I still waste time, but I always feel the need to do something. I think this is why my schedule is still unsettling. I still feel really busy despite having Wednesdays and Fridays after work unscheduled. Thursdays I have 2 dance classes, which are super fun but counts as "scheduled" time. Ironically, Wednesdays when I'm home by myself I often feel the saddest, because I'm home, and I don't know what to do with my free time. Friday I finally scrap-booked after at least a year. This evening I finally feel well enough to read. The fog is lifting, I assume, because of the Tylenol.

I think in being sick, I'm actually taking time for myself. I'm not putting pressure on myself to dust off old hobbies or to schedule time to relax. Now that I'm sick, I can only do what I have energy to complete. Tonight that includes a lukewarm bath, reading the Prodigal God, and drinking cocoa. Yes, I will drink cocoa in this unbearable heat; it's my "everything in moderation" chocolate fix. Don't judge. :-p

Beauty

While walking down the street, I was reminded once again of the source of my beauty. The answer, as always, is Jesus. He is the only beautiful thing inside me, and his brilliance radiates from my being. Whether I feel ugly or not, I know I am always beautiful in Christ.

God communicates so well

God coordinates so much and so well. I have a devotional to read by Sarah Author this year. I confess, I have not read it since June. Today I read an entry, and it brings me to Psalm 119. I continue reading and find a stanza that fully captures where I am spiritually.

I just wanted to take the time to recognize how God was able to communicate with me today. I am thankful He is able to coordinate Sarah's thought-process for that specific day in June while God knew I would not read it until September.

God, you so tender and caring. Thank you for your perfect love.

Psalm 119: 132-136

Turn to me and have mercy on me, as you always do to those who love your name.

Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me.

Redeem me from the oppression of men, that I may obey your precepts.

Make your face shine upon your servant and teach me your decrees.

Steams of tears flow from my eyes, for your law is not obeyed.

Dreams

I meant to blog about a dream I had in August, but, evidently, I did not. It felt too personal to share.

I had a dream that I saw Zick, my brother in Haiti. This dream felt so real, I wonder if somehow God truly connected us through this dream. It was such a blessing, because at that point I had not heard from my brother. I was slightly disappointed that I had not heard from him, but my faith was in God, and I trusted he was keeping Zick safe.

Last night, I had a dream similar in vividness. I was sitting on a roof in Haiti. It was not the same area in which I had visited. In my dream, I thought, Wow, I'm really in Haiti. I knew I was not truly there, but it felt like it. My dream was a paradox, because I felt like I was in Haiti while realizing I was not. While sitting on the roof, a car drives by and I see Zick. We wave to each other. Also, in my dream I had received a second e-mail from Zick. (In real life, I did receive an e-mail from Zick 2 weeks ago.)

I am thankful for these dreams. I appreciate feeling connected to Haiti.

I am returning December 27-January 2. I am excited to return and to celebrate the new year in Carrefour. What a special way to start 2011. I am still in the process of finalizing my trip details, but I am planning to return. It's hard for me to believe that I will return, but I'm also really excited. Dorly's birthday is January 2, so I will bring him a birthday present. I realize I cannot guarantee that I will see him, or Zick, or Wilbert. I will be staying at the same house in July, so I appreciate being able to return to the same area. I can actually see what has changed since July.

I trust God completely with this trip; I know He has already planned it for me. I do hope that I do not miss any flights this time around, but I accept God's plan as my own. God is good, all the time!

God is my Protector

On Sunday, I parked my car in my parking spot in the ally. I heard an announcement from a circling helicopter. The police were looking for a 185 pound male with a buzz cut wearing a white tank top and black shorts. Usually, I am inside my house when I hear similar announcements, so I was in a hurry to enter my house and lock the door.

Monday morning, I went to grab my keys from my purse as I was ready to leave for work. My keys were not in my purse. I searched the house but did not find them. My thought process led me to suspect I left my keys in the front door. I have done this twice before. I opened the door and found them in the lock, where I had left them.

I was in awe of God's power. I left my keys in the front door. I thought I was safe, when, in fact, my house was wide open to anyone who wanted to enter. My car keys were available.

So, I am singing God's praises. I am so thankful that He protects me. Sure, I can lock a door and feel safe, but only in God's provisions am I truly safe.

God is good, all the time

I have to be honest; I had been dreading Saturday.

Recently, I've been working toward clearing my schedule and learning to embrace solitude.

Somehow, I planned a full Saturday. This was the plan: early morning jog, 2 cardio hip-hop dance classes, eye appointment, City Fest, and 80s dance party.

God gave me the motivation to jog 6.3 miles this morning. I also jogged the entire time, so I'm also thankful God gave me the strength and endurance to start and finish. I attended cardio hip-hop class #1, but #2 was cancelled. I realized God gave me the gift of free time. I don't have to do it all. I began to think about how I could use my free time. I originally planned to read a chapter from 2 Corinthians and write my daily devotional. Instead, I chose to help my friend set up for the 80s party that happened tonight. I just realized I haven't written my devotional for Saturday. Oops. Sorry, God!

My eye appointment went well. It took far too long to order my glasses and contacts, partially because the guy helping me was new and still learning the ropes. It wasn't a problem, and the timing actually worked out.

City Fest was beautifully orchestrated by God. We saw Kirk Franklin perform in the Elite section, because Carla is kind of a big deal. There are a few songs on Zick's Ipod by Kirk Franklin, which is how I had heard of him. I appreciate anything that reminds me of Haiti. I prayed for Zick and enjoyed the music.

The 80s party was fun; I saw a new side of my San Diego friends. It was a blast (from the past...).

After the party, I checked my e-mail. I received an email from Zick! I hadn't heard from him since my trip in July. I'm so thankful I heard from him. I knew not to worry, because I trust God to take care of him. I don't need to hear from him. He's my brother. It is a bond that endures distance and time.

I'm just so thankful God showed up today. Today was a gift; I can't believe I was dreading it.

A glimpse of God's love

I have a unique job. I'm a speech language pathologist at an elementary school. Often, it's easier for me to say I'm a teacher (especially at the Apple store for my discount), but then people ask what grade I teach. I'm blessed to work with students between ages 3 and 13. I get to follow my students from grade to grade. I see longitudinal cross-sections. I do not see them as often their teacher does, but I continue to work with them after they have been assigned a new teacher.

This is the start of my third year at the same school (I praise God, and I'm so thankful!). I do my best not to play favorites, especially when I'm leading a group. But I am human and some students have captured my heart. To be fair, most of my students have my heart; some just have a tighter grip.

A coworker commented how I really do love my students. I care about their future. I know I won't know what happens, which makes me care even more.

Yesterday I was pondering how most of my students will never fully understand how much I care. This fact made me think that this must be how God feels all the time. He loves me so much that I cannot even fathom it. I cannot understand the vastness of His love. Jesus died for my sins, because He loves me. Jesus died knowing that I would not return his love, that I would continually stumble and sin.

God knows what will happen to my students, because they are His children. He will take care of them. I only ask that He uses me to serve their needs; their needs that only God truly knows.