A drive down memory lane

I attended a launch meeting for youth ministry at Harbor. I have no experience with youth ministry. I heard about it through Adam and felt led. I have yet to find my service niche in Harbor. Helping Generate Hope has not been as successful as I would have liked. I suspect God has different plans for me.
The meeting was held at the same house where the seeds of Harbor Mid-City were originally planted. I attended occasionally, enjoying the food and atmosphere. As I was driving there tonight, I remembered the neighborhood. I recalled feeling overwhelmed spiritually during one of the meetings. I needed to cry and I needed privacy. Going for a walk is what I typically do when I need to get away and cry in a public venue. Not all of my walks are teary, do not fret if I decide to take a walk. Fortunately, I had my GPS, because I began doubting the way to the house based upon that walk nearly 2 years ago.
We dove into the nitty gritty immediately: What are your gifts and passions? Why are you here? Chris shares, then Adam shares. I share how I have no experience and am looking for opportunities to serve the community. Chris shared how he remembered the day I needed to go for a walk. He remembered how I was wrestling spiritually 2 years ago.
I couldn't believe he remembered. I generally think I'm a fade-into-the-background kind of girl, so I was surprised he even noticed me back then.
Through processing this information, a question remains.
Have I come full circle? In many ways, yes. I initially went to learn about this Jesus fellow. The purpose of the meeting was to launch a church. Tonight, I attended as a member of that launched church on the verge of launching a youth ministry/service/venue for teens at Harbor Mid-City. I'm inside the circle. Circles do not end; I am still cultivating my relationship with Jesus and enjoy the process. I've entered the circle as a follower of Jesus, who is trying to serve my community as He served his.

8.30.09 Part II: Jesus conquered death

Part of the reason why we tailgated was all the heaviness of life's circumstances. I feel like I've been hearing about death a lot lately from people whom I've come into contact. Usually death is more sporadic, but it's been in my face a bit this week. Each time the news of death comes closer and closer to my inner circle.
Shortly after the service began, Kelly asked to talk with me outside. It was fabulous to see her, but her tone indicated a serious discussion. I thought something happened to her personally. She began talking about her friend Ryan. We had hung out a few years ago when he lived in San Diego. We weren't close, but we'd chat if we saw each other on the street. So she mentions Ryan and I just knew death had struck again. He died in Hawaii. He was ready for round 2 of jumping from a waterfall and slipped. The Grim Reaper at least took him instantly.
I was shocked and teary-eyed.
We return to the service and I'm shaken but relieved to be sitting with my entire community group. I just needed them to be there. I didn't even share the news with anyone. I felt better sandwiched between 2 members; I felt surrounded by Jesus.
I began praying for Ryan's family, Kelly, and then something clicked. Jesus conquered death. He died and rose upward to Heaven. He fought our fight and kicked ass. He died so Ryan could return to Heaven. Yes, death is sad, but it also means we return to God and Jesus in Heaven. Jesus has prepared a room for us. I bet it's better than any room you've seen on Cribs or Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
It's still a difficult thought with which to cope. Then the scripture read at church blew me away.
Philippians 4:10-13
I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Paul nailed the description. That's what I want. I want Jesus to be my center. I get distracted and sometimes he gets a little squished in the center or pushed out. Jesus walks with me wherever I go. He's lived life on earth once before; he can help me through it. He shares my joy and tears. He never walks away in disgust or becomes distracted by a cat or shiny lights (like I would).
I continue to see Jesus in my life and cannot adequately express my gratitude for his love and sacrifice for me and everyone else in the world.

8.30.09 Part I: Tailgating for Jesus

I can finally divulge the secret from my previous post. My community group and I decided to tailgate before church today. We had grills, electric skillets, chewable coffee, Jock Jams, sausage, eggs, pancakes, fried bananas, and a LOT of pep. We cheered when people arrived and offered food. We watched people react with a rather confused expression on their face. I think they liked it once they understood what we were doing.

We had a lot of fun; it was fulfilling to bring some randomness to church: an unexpected reason to smile.
I was also pumped for church. We had already been jamming to music outside, so I was ready once the band began. I definitely recommend tailgating before church. There's something to be said about rallying the troops before worship.

Our community group reached out to the church community. It rocked. WHOOOO!

Oh What a Night: Late Agosto en Dos Mil Nine

If things happen in sets of 3, then I have one more thing coming before...
The third thing happened while I was typing that-no lie. Let me explain from the beginning.
Today began as just another day. A fantastic day, but ordinary nonetheless. I woke up at 5:36 a.m. and met Kristen and Amy to jog by 6 a.m. We had a great run together. I returned home, prepared for work, and only arrived a few minutes late. I spent the day proctoring CELDT testing, knocked off a few things from my personal work to-do list, and called it a day. I made plans with Mary, so I came home with an agenda to clean. I washed dishes; I started a load of laundry; I picked up the clutter in my room. Mary called, she'd be over by 6 pm. I planned to commence cleaning the bathroom. I walked into the living room for a reason I can no longer recall. (Number 1) Something on the living room floor caught my eye. It. Is. A. Cockroach. Immediately, I'm distressed. Anxious, if you will. Talk about opportunity to put talk into action (see previous blog or 2). I returned to my room to put on a pair of sneakers (I was barefoot when I made this discovery) and grabbed a hiking shoe to smash it. My voice raises. Oh my God! How did you get in here? I walked forward to smash it. I walked backward in trepidation. Meanwhile, I'm asking God why is there a cockroach in my living room? A HUGE one at that. It wasn't moving. I threw my shoe (Who throws a shoe, honestly?) and MISS. La cucaracha no se movio. Relieved, I began praising God that He placed a dead cockroach in my house. If that thing moved, I would most likely have ran out of my house. Instead, I called John, a friend from graduate school. He used to be a neighbor and now we're neighbors again. He hadn't been over, but I had visited his apartment. Voicemail. I began rambling and tried to remain calm. Before I finished rambling, he returned my call. I sat and watched the cockroach while I waited. He arrived, picked up the dead monstrosity, and flushed it down my toilet. I handed him an ice cold Newcastle, and we started chatting. I was very thankful for the opportunity to see him and have him over. Even more thankful that he came over and disposed of the 'roach for me.
Living on my own right now is kind of a trial run as a homeowner without having the full responsibility of owning a home. So, I either need to become best friends with pest control or have a man on speed dial. Of course there's always option C: move back to NY, as I joshed in a voicemail to my bestest friend while I waited for John. "If this keeps up, I may move back to NY. Just kidding, but maybe..."
Mary arrived, we chatted, I cooked dinner; it was wonderful to have my friends over. Mary left and shortly after John did as well.
I opened the fridge to add more Newcastle and the light remained off. I figured I had a bum light bulb and resolved to replace it at some point. I could live without a fridge light for a little while, no problem. I went over to my computer to check my e-mail with intentions of blogging about tonight afterward. I'm disconnected from the internet and my laptop was running off its battery. I had left my computer plugged into the wall and I had internet. Bizarre. (Number 2) My microwave was also not working and I had left it plugged into the wall. Half of my house did not have electricity. After a brief Where's Waldo of circuit breakers, I flipped the switch off. I pushed it back down and it bounced upward. Perplexed, I tried again. And again. And again. I've exhausted my knowledge of circuit breakers. Not wanting to bug John again, I called a different John. No answer. I didn't bother with a voicemail. I called the original John. He googled some information and instructed me to unplug everything on the circuit breaker. It didn't work. Next, he advised calling my landlord or asking the neighboring landlord's son. I went next door, dragged my neighbor over, told him how the switch wouldn't stay down as it stayed down. That always happens to me. Something won't work when it's just me, but as soon as I seek help BAM! it works. So, I thanked him for watching me turn it back on.
I still needed to finish my laundry, so I restart the dryer. (Number 3) I power up my computer, and while typing the initial blog sentence the dryer shut off as well as the outlet for my laptop. With some time, the circuit breaker cooperated with me. I also discovered that my refrigerator is connected to a separate circuit breaker that I had shut off, so that's what that switch does...
As I write this blog, I believe everything is receiving juice. Most things are turned off, but the essentials are in fact operating.
I thank God for providing help from neighbors. I've been putting off the outreach, even after hearing Stephen preach about loving your neighbors and getting to know their names. Not to worry, God found ways for me to connect with neighbors anyway. I'd like to think I'd initiate something neighborly before the Christmas holiday, but it's doubtful. Although, I really don't want to find another cockroach, living or dead. I'm thankful for the help God provided to me. Considering the events of the night, everything worked out smoothly. I reached John twice and my neighbor was home and willing to come help.
If you're thinking of getting to know your neighbors, I recommend doing it before God gives you a reason out of necessity. Can I follow my own advice? I have my doubts, but Jesus can help. I still have a hard time believing all that happened tonight, but the paranoia of seeing another cockroach reminds that it's real.

Rejoice

It was incredible to see the gospel come alive in Adam and Kristen's living room tonight. We discussed Stephen's sermon about how to biblically combat anxiety. In Philippians, Paul advised rejoicing, which was the Roman equivalent of throwing a party (more or less) and prayer. You're stressed out about the little things? Celebrate Jesus in your life and pray hard. Share your worries with God. He can handle it. There's more depth to it that I cannot explain, but that's the gist.
The conversation fizzles, and we transition to prayer request. Adam discusses an eye-opening event of a close friend, and I share 2 tragic events in the lives of 2 co-workers that were shared with staff on the same day. Life and death type news. We were suffocating from the heavy news, weighed down from realizing how much we take for granted.
Someone mentions rejoicing. That is when a crazy, joyful idea was born. For a solid half hour the room filled with excitement while discussing the nitty gritty of our plans. I sat there watching Paul's advise work. I'm feeling his advise work. I stopped thinking about the sadness in life's circumstances. Driving home, I felt giddy anticipating Sunday. I felt light.
We didn't fix anything. We came together to support each other and our community. We'll come together to rejoice and celebrate Jesus. I cannot divulge details but anticipate blogging about it with a picture from the event.
I feel invincible with this group of people, because we're celebrating Jesus and we're doing it together. The stress did not go away, but it does not have to take center stage.
We're absolutely crazy; I look forward to sharing how we're crazy next week.

What if God were one of us?

Recently, I've been reading the Bible. I did not own one until earlier this year. I received a children's Bible for 1st Communion, but I had no desire to read it. I joined a Curious Discussion Forum and bought a Bible for $5. The group was assigned to read Mark's gospel. I read Mark, but also felt it was more appropriate to start at the beginning. That did not work; there's far too many names to skim over. The gospels may be repetitive, but at least they're not lists. (No offense, God, but my brain goes foggy with all the names).
Something I've noticed in the gospels is how Jesus appears to people without them immediately realizing it. For example, "Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus" (John 21:4). Of all people, you'd think the disciples would notice Jesus. I'm intrigued as to why Jesus temporarily disguises his identity. Then I began to think about family or friends or even complete strangers who say just the right thing or offer a hug exactly when I need it the most. Is it Jesus hugging me? Did he take the guise of another person, so he could bring me comfort? Is he the man on the street corner holding a sign for money? Is he the stressed out teacher or exhausted doctor? Is he within every person on this earth? Yes, we're all 'image-bearers' of God, but this would take it a step or 2 further. It's difficult to craft an argument from steam of consciousness, but I am reminded of Matthew 25:40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'" So is Jesus figuratively everyone on earth? Whether He is or is not, we should probably treat everyone as if He were. Would it be easier to serve others if we truly believed they were our Lord? Of course, but can I convince myself everyone embodies Jesus? Not in the heat of the moment. It's always easier when people are playing nicely. This must be where prayer and Jesus come into play. Dressing up as Christ, as C.S. Lewis [side note: Adam, I'm giggling as I write his name] describes in Mere Christianity. Jesus, please give me the strength and patience to serve others as you would serve them. Give me words of wisdom and comfort. Help me remember to praise you as I am truly blessed exponentially. Amen.

Joy: Philippians 3:15-4:1

The reason I created a blog was to reflect spiritually on life and share my thoughts when I read the Bible. I have a record like a diary and the control from google to allow people to read my blog by invitation only. So far, it's been more diary than Bible reflections. My goal would be to write at least once a week reflecting on a Bible verse. Really, it's just an outlet for me to pray. I liked the concept of writing my reflections, but was not motivated to write in a journal. God planted a seed in my mind to blog, and here I am.

After 2 or 3 weeks away from Harbor, I was excited to attend the good word today. The scripture we looked at was Philippians 3:15-4:1. Here is what caught my attention 3:18-4:1
"many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await our Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand firm in the Lord, dear friends!"

The undertone of this passage is forgiveness and that is something, at times, I struggle to wrap my pea-brain around. I'm forgiven, but I still sin. God's grace is just unfathomable. I don't deserve it, but I have it. Now that I'm typing, everything seems pretty clear. Simple, even. The people with their mind on earthly things reject God. While I had rejected God, I now embrace Him. I try to live according to His will and constantly ask Jesus to help me. After all, he's already done it perfectly. I do things imperfectly. What I find fascinating is that at times my stomach is my God and my mind is on earthly things. I repent and ask for strength. I acknowledge the error in my ways when I am aware of them.

The second point I found interesting is that we can stand firm in the Lord by waiting. Sounds passive, right? We aren't sitting, twiddling our thumbs; we are waiting in faith. Jesus nourishes us, giving us the strength to wait and to persevere. To serve, to love when we are tired, selfish, and hateful. To point the way to Jesus. I have a really hard time loving people when they cut me off in traffic or leave their blinker on after changing lanes; however, I try to spend less time stewing over it and remember that sometimes *gasp* I leave my blinker on after changing lanes.

Waiting means we need patience. In this "gotta-have-it-now" society? Right. Patience. I like how Paul tells us to wait, because he talks as if it will happen. It will happen, and it's worth the wait. We won't be sinful, lowly bodies forever. I do not know what it will look like when we have the kingdom of heaven here on earth, but I'm willing to wait in faith. And that faith brings me joy that is difficult to waver.

Hiatus Highlights

Starting a blog before vacation was probably poor timing. Inspiration is not always convenient. The wide open space of "vacation" is shrinking. Thursday is my last available day to see friends and family in and around Plattsburgh. Friday through Sunday will largely center around a 7 hour car ride one way to my cousin's wedding. I leave so early Monday morning Eastern time that I'm home 12:30 in the afternoon PACIFIC time.
The whole trip has been a blur, but here are some highlights:
1. Spending time with my other half. Best friends since 7th grade, I do not know what I'd do without her. Catching up and soothing silence. No need for bells and whistles.
2. SLPs gone Wild. I was able to connect with 2 friends during my year of catch up at Plattsburgh State in 2005-2006. Now that was girl talk like no other. 3 bottles of wine, lettuce wraps, cheese, crackers, bruschetta, cookies, glowsticks, and dancing in the rain. It was the carefree fun I felt as a child.
3. Connery came to 'hood. I introduced him to the culinary delights of the areas (e.g. hot dogs with special sauce, the best meatball sub EVER, poutine, and a local ice cream stand). It's a good thing I only visit once a year! We went hiking, explored Montreal, hit golf balls in the backyard, and he met the extended fam. We survived being together for a week 24/7 ;-)
4. Connery and I went wine tasting. Another reason why I love upstate NY: hospitality. The vineyard was in the guy's backyard. A sign said every bottle of wine was 10.80 (including tax) and 4 tastings free. TWENTY tastings later there's no charge and we buy 3 bottles of wine we know we liked. In between that we get a tour of all the fruit he's growing including a sampling of gooseberries, currants, and blueberries. I think I need to make a stop before I leave for a red wine and a plum wine that I can have my parents deliver in December.
5. A favorable exchange. A thrifty trip to Montreal left me with $45 Canadian and an exchange rate of .89 cents to the dollar. I hand the woman 45.80 and she gives me 120.75. Now I'm very confused at this point and she's very certain. I take the money and take a few steps away staring at the all the $20 bills and scratching my chin. I discuss with Connery. The greedy muddled cloud finally lifts. I originally exchanged $60 this cannot be right. I return to the counter and the woman is very happy to see me. "Did you give me $45?" she asks. Yup.
6. Aside from touring with Connery, I go for a walk with my Mom, hit some golf balls with my Dad, eat delicious food, and see as many people as I can. I don't book trips across the pond or even somewhere new on this continent, but I do recharge my batteries.