Mother Teresa: Emptiness

On page 273,

"To be absorbed with Jesus required being forgetful of self, as she explained to her sisters: It is only when we realize our nothingness, our emptiness, that God can fill us with Himself. When we become full of God then we can give God to others, for from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks."

This quote is framed by the sermon today in church. Stephen preached about discerning your calling and the 6 elements needed. The sermon reminded me of my conversation with Wilbert in Haiti. He asked about my calling. I had no response. I thought I had figured something out 3 weeks ago, but I'm not sure if there is a need for said calling. Stephen made it very clear that there has to be a need for our calling. So my plan is to read the Bible and fast and pray after I've spent some time in the Word. I do trust that God will reveal my calling when I'm able to hear it.

In preparation for that Mother Teresa has provided some powerful themes in my life. At the start of my summer travels, while sitting in JFK at 5:30 in the morning, I read how she described God speaking when our heart is silent. The theme for my summer travels was listening. I was far too distracted to listen in New York, but I was able to listen in Haiti. I heard God speak to me through the people I met. God delivered personal messages to me through the interpreters. I heard those messages, and I know God keeps His promises. I'm struggling to fill my heart with God. I'm distracted again, and it sickens me. I want to gouge out my thoughts, but I cannot. I yearn to forget myself. I've prayed to become emptied. A prayer that I was cautious to say. July 19 I was emptied, and it was a hard day. It was also one of the best days. I trust God to empty me and fill me with Himself. I am nothing but everything in Christ.

Mother Teresa: feeling needed

On page 273, Mother Teresa wrote "His [God's] ways are so beautiful. --To think that we have God almighty to stoop so low as to love you and me and make use of us--and make us feel that He really needs us."

I think God does make us feel like He needs us, even though we need him. Even though, I forget that I need God. He still loves me and desires a relationship with me. From the meetings I schedule at work to dance classes and social events with friends, I realized that I really need to schedule a date with God. He's been waiting patiently.

Mother Teresa: Self

From Mother Teresa: Come be my light

On page 112, Archbishop Perier wrote the following to Mother Teresa, "Try not to put anything on your own in all this. You are His instrument, nothing more." This was written after she received permission to enter the slums of India, yet while she was waiting to begin.

This advice from Archbishop Perier sparked Mother Teresa to write, "to learn how to get rid of self in myself and live intimately with Him. ... Pray for light that I may see and [for] courage to do away with anything of self in the work. I must disappear completely - if I want God to have the whole" (p. 113).

Lord, help me lose myself. Help me remember my role as your instrument, nothing more. My self and my thoughts need to disappear completely. Please, Lord. Help me fix my eyes upon Jesus, and lose myself in Christ.

Mother Teresa: Victim

While sitting in Starbucks on Thursday July 8 (during my 3rd visit that day--it was day 3 or 4 of the heatwave in Lake Placid), I wrote the following while reading Mother Teresa: Come be my light edited and with commentary by Brian Kolodiejchuk, M.C.

On page 73, Mother Teresa wrote "Our Lord wants Indian Nuns, victims of his love."
"Victims" seemed to be a peculiar word choice. Upon reflection, I realized that His love is SO powerful that we are rendered powerless. It cannot be overcome. We are victims in this sense. There is no escaping His love. :)

On page 77, Mother Teresa quotes what she heard from God, "How it hurts to see these poor children soiled with sin...they don't know Me - so they don't want me...how I long to enter their holes - their dark unhappy homes. Come be their victim - In your immolation - in your love for Me - they will see Me - know Me - want Me..."

Again, the word "victim" is used. Be the victim of the people of India? Suffer through sacrificing your life - choosing to live as them in poverty and adopting their culture. In serving others we become a victim to the ones we serve? Perhaps 'victim' is an appropriate term so one does not expect anything in return when serving others: serving others for the sake of that person not the sake of the one serving.

Then, the light bulb illuminated, or my iced chai from trip Starbucks#2 jump-started my brain

Jesus was my victim. Through his sacrifice, because of His love for His Father, I came to see God, want God, and know God.

Serving others is a sacrifice. It is for the sole benefit of the one receiving the service. Jesus called Mother Teresa to suffer as he had suffered--to be a victim for others in order to share God's love.

Then I began to ponder how being someone's victim could apply to my trip to Haiti.

Will I be a victim of the Haitian people? What would that look like? I think many of the people in Haiti know you, God. What difference can I make? How can I be their victim? Sleeping in a tent during hurricane season is a sacrifice on my part, but I don't see how that would demonstrate my love for you. It's a sacrifice of a comfort. How can I be a victim of the Haitian people? How can they see you, know you, want you through my love for you? I trust you will answer this question in Haiti.

Mother Teresa: Silence

I am currently reading Mother Teresa: Come be my light (http://www.amazon.com/Mother-Teresa-Private-Writings-Calcutta/dp/0385520379).
It is thought-provoking.

At the start of my vacation, on June 30, I read the following quote from Mother Teresa, "In the silence of the heart God speaks."

I decided that I wanted silence to be the theme of my vacation, so I could potentially hear God speak. Upon reflection of this goal, my performance has been unsatisfactory. I'd like to think I've had a silent moment or two, but I do not feel as if I'm able to fully quiet my brain.

Sure, I'm caught up on writing my daily devotionals, and I have seen Jesus show up big time since my arrival. But silence? Is that like shavasana at the end of a yoga class? I can never fully quiet my mind during that time, either.

My challenge this week is to silent my heart. Wow, I was ignoring "the heart" part of Mother Teresa's quote. Yes, I definitely need help silencing my heart this week!