Remembering 2012

2012 began like any other year. Wait, that's a lie. My parents were in town. I had spent the night at Erin and Ivan's house after a combination of drinks and Michael Jackson Experience on the Wii. In 2011, I rang in the new year on a rooftop in Haiti, so no one year ever begins the same. Aside from those details, 2012 seemed like it would be just like any other year.

In February, I reclaimed Valentine's day. Some friends and I celebrated Palentine's day. I booked a massage on February 14. It was not the day of despair as in 2011. In many ways, I thought 2012 would exceed previous years. In some ways, it did, but in one way it did not.

For some reason, 2012 was plagued with news of suicide.

It began March 5, 2012. My energetic, mischievous uncle Peter left us. I still have to pinch myself--did that really happen? Time seems to have stopped then, but time does not stop. Only my perception of time. While I was the saddest I have ever felt, for the first time in difficult circumstances I still believed God was good. I'm thankful for how He carried me through the wake and the funeral, and well, even now He's carrying me. God, in His goodness, has used this tragedy for some redemptive moments in my life. Sometimes, I am angry that God brought any good from this event, but, truthfully, they were really good events. I guess I just wish there had been some other way. So what were those good events? Well, I realized how much I really do love my family. I had definitely taken them for granted and focused on the negative. I was able to see the love and strength between my family members. This even also impacted my personal growth. It was the missing puzzle piece that completed me. I learned how grief has played a role in my life as an idealist. I had a name for the feeling I have had all my life for the anger and sadness in a world that is not how it was intended to be. A world where we all have pain and injustice.

There are other stories of suicide throughout the year that affected my friends, but I will not discuss that here. For said friends who are reading this, I'm sorry for your loss and for your pain. I rejoice with those who have a positive outcome.

This year I dove into retreats with Urban Life. As any other youth retreat I attend as a leader, I am stretched and twisted until I cry "uncle;" well, until I cry to Jesus...It's always a blessing, and it's always an honor to get to know those teenagers. Always lots of fun memories. I even learned some new dance steps--the wobble, the cupid shuffle, and the bernie.

In June, I celebrated my 29th birthday. I declared 29 as divine, and it has lived up to its reputation. I had such a sweet celebration in Dallas, Texas with my 2 cousins, my 2 uncles, my aunt, and her mom and sister. Museums, red velvet cake, presents, and a mechanical bull. What more does one need? Oh yes, an honorary reeses peanut butter cup in memory of my uncle. The celebration continued in San Diego with some wonderful friends.

At the end of June through the middle of July, I visited friends and family in upstate NY. I went to Montreal to visit the same aunt and uncle from Dallas. There was a jazz festival that was fantastic. My cousin had her bridal shower and bachelorette party all in the same day. I saw my bestest friend in the universe. I hung out with my parents by the river. Good times were had by all.

Work began again in August. It's been quite the busy school year, but all is well. I enjoy what I do, and I enjoy seeing  my students grow. Some of whom are now taller than me.

In September, my cousin got married but, regrettably, I could not attend. My friend Lauren got married in September. I stood as a bridesmaid for my friend Mary's wedding in October. I flew to Alabama for that wedding and enjoyed the food and the southern drawls.

Also, I started attending an informal writing group. My awesome co-worker organized it. Some fellow writers and I gather twice a month to peer edit our work. The creativity is energizing.

Thanksgiving was spent with my church family. I enjoyed having a week off from work. I used it to write my Christmas cards and buy presents for all of the good people on my list.

Christmas with my parents in Florida was a delight. One of the highlights was seeing an alligator on Christmas day on the golf course. Playing cards and hanging out with my parents is always fun. There's something special about being able to just rest in each other's company.

So, I welcome 2013 with open arms. 2012 was quite the adventure. I'm hoping for less drama, lots of laughter, and plenty of fun activities with family and friends. May God bless you and keep you.

The limitations of an educator

One of my students is heavy on my heart. I have known him for 4 years. I met him when he was in first grade. Now, he is in fifth grade (obviously, for those of you who can add in your add). I remember him as a quiet kid. He had difficulty answering yes/no questions. A different student in his group received a lot of my attention, since he was 30% intelligible. I remember trying to make up for that when the student was in third grade by working with him one-on-one for a while to help him make progress and, well, it would only encourage him to participate.
As a first grade student, this kid would just sit there in class. Some attention deficit disorder but also no motivation. This remains a concern. He doesn't like anything and doesn't care about anything, either. Yes, he likes video games, but if it means he has to do homework, he's fine just sitting in his room and staring at the wall.
He has been participating in his speech group this year. Participation was never a huge issue, but it has definitely improved. I have been surprised by his right answers and proud of him for seeing him make connections with acquired knowledge.
Today, I yelled at him. Well, I spoke louder than usual. I by no means yelled, but I was angry. Angry, because I care so damn much. So angry I didn't even know what to say. My student may not care about his future, but I do, and I will care for him, if I can.
He had told the paraprofessional who leads his resource (specialized academic instruction) group that he didn't want to do his work today; he'd do during recess on Monday. That is not the kid who participates in my speech group. It's not out of his character, but his indifference is rapidly increasing.
So, I (loudly) asked him why he wasn't working. He shrugged his shoulders. I responded, if you don't have a reason, then you're going to do the work. I told him he was smart and how I enjoyed working with him in my group. When I left the room, he was walking over to tell the resource specialist that he was going to complete his work on Monday.
My plan is to observe his group on Monday and to pray to God that during this child's life, he will start to care and want to learn. God may or may not use me, but I trust He has a plan for this child.