Slipping away?

I've reached a point in which I've become comfortable with my routine (more or less...). I've re-adjusted to life in the States. I feel like a drone.

How do I preserve my experience in Haiti? One option is remembering the faith I learned and witnessed there. This task is enough to keep me busy, but it is not enough. Perhaps it should be sufficient.

I do not have trip #2 planned. I have not returned to the Haitian church service. I owe Wilbert an e-mail. He asked for creation pictures; I have none to offer.

I feel disconnected from Haiti. Perhaps ordering pictures and scrapbooking would help. I could create a personal, spiritual reminder of my trip. Plus, I've wanted to sift through my blog posts and create an overview letter to send out (most likely at Christmas time).

I will be making a Haitian dish for a church potluck, so that is a nice reminder.

Feeling disconnected--perhaps it has nothing to do with Haiti. Perhaps, I am feeling disconnected with God. I still feel like there's something more I should be doing for my Haitian brothers and sisters.

Is this what happens after a mission trip? Life returns to normal? I don't think I can accept that.

Dwelling

Dwelling, to me, typically means I am over-thinking. I constantly churn the thought in my head until it turns to butter. Then, it becomes to slick for me to control. It slides throughout my mind. All that butter is disgusting.

Dwelling also means a place to live. It is this definition that I will use to reclaim the word dwelling.

1 Corinthians 3: 16 Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?

I read this on Friday. Then, it reminded me that I am never alone. God is ALWAYS with me.

Yesterday, I walked to the grocery store. God blessed my thoughts; I was dwelling over that verse. God showed me that it also meant He lives inside me. God lives within me. This means that when I seek outside, worldly things for comfort, whether it's money, food, clothes, or men, anything I could possibly need is within myself. God provides for all of my needs. Nothing will fulfill me unless it comes from within, unless it is God. Whether I am single or married, God is always within me. Everything I need, I already have in God. Don't ya know...

Singing praises

I feel compelled to praise God publicly, because I'm so thankful. Earlier today, I felt anxious. While the situation has not changed much, God changed my attitude. He quieted my qualms. In submitting to God, I invite Him into my life. God loves to show up when He is invited.

Mother Teresa: Emptiness

On page 273,

"To be absorbed with Jesus required being forgetful of self, as she explained to her sisters: It is only when we realize our nothingness, our emptiness, that God can fill us with Himself. When we become full of God then we can give God to others, for from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks."

This quote is framed by the sermon today in church. Stephen preached about discerning your calling and the 6 elements needed. The sermon reminded me of my conversation with Wilbert in Haiti. He asked about my calling. I had no response. I thought I had figured something out 3 weeks ago, but I'm not sure if there is a need for said calling. Stephen made it very clear that there has to be a need for our calling. So my plan is to read the Bible and fast and pray after I've spent some time in the Word. I do trust that God will reveal my calling when I'm able to hear it.

In preparation for that Mother Teresa has provided some powerful themes in my life. At the start of my summer travels, while sitting in JFK at 5:30 in the morning, I read how she described God speaking when our heart is silent. The theme for my summer travels was listening. I was far too distracted to listen in New York, but I was able to listen in Haiti. I heard God speak to me through the people I met. God delivered personal messages to me through the interpreters. I heard those messages, and I know God keeps His promises. I'm struggling to fill my heart with God. I'm distracted again, and it sickens me. I want to gouge out my thoughts, but I cannot. I yearn to forget myself. I've prayed to become emptied. A prayer that I was cautious to say. July 19 I was emptied, and it was a hard day. It was also one of the best days. I trust God to empty me and fill me with Himself. I am nothing but everything in Christ.

God is in control

I must learn this lesson on a weekly basis, but I just witnessed it in a new venue.

I witnessed Mallysa's baptism today. She has been a member of the teen ministry and has come to my house on a weekly basis for the past 9 months or so.

During most I.O.B. (Inward, Outward, and Beyond the name of the teen ministry) meetings, I just trusted that God was planting seeds.

Today I saw one of those seeds blossom.

I heard her explain how God started showing up in her life. It was a touching testimony about the development of her relationship with God.

While I was listening to her, I realized that it was not about what I did as a youth leader. God has everything under control. He uses us, of course, but all I have to do is pray for God to show up in the lives of the teenagers. Once again, I just need to put my faith in God and wait for Him to show up.

I am so thankful for such a wise and omniscient God, our shepherd who rescues us.

Mother Teresa: feeling needed

On page 273, Mother Teresa wrote "His [God's] ways are so beautiful. --To think that we have God almighty to stoop so low as to love you and me and make use of us--and make us feel that He really needs us."

I think God does make us feel like He needs us, even though we need him. Even though, I forget that I need God. He still loves me and desires a relationship with me. From the meetings I schedule at work to dance classes and social events with friends, I realized that I really need to schedule a date with God. He's been waiting patiently.

Summer Day

You are the

Hair swaying breeze

Encompassing blaze

Cruising bicyclist

Ambling man, tanned and bearded, in rolled up blue jeans

Rolling water in the bay

You

Composed this summer day

From the conversations,

Passing vehicles, to the

Steady beat of runners.

We are

Your instruments

Ready to be played.