Be prepared.

Consider yourself warned. Today was amazing. I spent most of my counseling session crying. I had started crying before my session even started. By crying, I mean loud, convulsing, hiccuping sobbing. I made noises so strange that it made me laugh. I read a poem that the Holy Spirit wrote through me and brought tears to my counselor's eyes.

Today was a climax within my journey. God liberated me. I grieved my past experiences and my past coping mechanisms. I began to see the lies I believed as lies. I began to see my pain and acknowledge myself. I finally asked myself what I needed.

Knowing I needed more time to process and to be still before God, I went home instead of attending the youth ministry I serve as one of the leaders. This decision was difficult, as I hate to disappoint people and often serve people at the expense of my own personal needs. (So it was super encouraging to see that God showed up, even though I wasn't there. Hallelujah!) This time I made my decision based upon my needs. So, I went to Twiggs to eat supper--a glimpse of the feast to come when God comes to dwell among us--and to write more about the stirring within me.

My counselor said that Jesus was collecting my tears. I joked that I hoped he turns them into wine. I know He will.

I have been unlocked; I have been released. I don't know what will come. Perhaps, the difference will be subtle. So be prepared. I'm done trying to fit a mold that I'm not meant to fill. I was created in God's image, and I make no apologies. The journey is not yet complete, but you have been warned. :)