Reclaiming Valentine's Day

Let me begin with a confession. Valentine's day last year was my worst day in 2011. Hands down, it was the worst day. I was engulfed by despair over being single. Yet, love really is found in a hopeless place (reference my recent Rihanna and Jesus post). God responded to my tears through a poem. A poem I treasure and will never edit. (Now, if you know me as a writer, then you know I LOVE to edit and constantly reword what I have written. So it is significant that the first draft of my poem is perfect.)

Now, I will tell you a secret. Are you ready? When I was confirmed in the Catholic church in 10th grade (perhaps I was 15 about to turn 16; I have no idea), we all had to choose a saint's name. One would expect a girl to pick a female name. That statement likely applies to everyone with whom I was confirmed, except me. I picked "Valentine." I did not care that it was a male name; after all, my given name is just as easily a male's name as it is a female's. I picked "Valentine," because I am a hopeful romantic (in Christ). I enjoy listening to how couples met. I cheer at the end of a chick flick. How is that different from every other woman? Perhaps it's not, but how many other women do you know who have chosen "Valentine" as their confirmed name? :-p

Anyway, the irony of being named Valentine while being alone on Valentine's day hurt the very core of my being last year.

In January of this year, I resolved that Valentine's day would be different this year. I celebrated Palentine's Day (February 11) with two of my friends. I have already received a Valentine's day card from a dear friend. I scheduled a massage tomorrow. I anticipate a package from my mom and perhaps another Valentine from my dearest friend. I'll also be working with special day class kindergarten students tomorrow. Despite the chaos of the day, it should mean hugs and high fives.

While I can keep the day in check, since it still is yet another day in 2012, my struggle with Valentine's day is something I struggle with all year. Rather, my loneliness or singleness is something with which I struggle.

So what will be different tomorrow? Me.

Oh the struggle in my soul will continue to rage, but Jesus wins. One day, I will have peace every second, instead of a moment here and a moment there. Where was Jesus last year, you may be wondering. He was with me, but I didn't want to talk to Him. I didn't trust Him. Some days, I still don't.

Poco a poco, I'm learning what it means to have faith in God. It breaks my heart that I actually tell myself, in moments of despair, that faith is stupid.

Aside from spilling my guts, I actually have a plan to reclaim Valentine's day. Despite how I feel, I really do love the day. I do not support the capitalist commercialism of the holiday, but the essence of the holiday is important. I think of it as someone who decided to be spontaneous and surprise his sweetheart with a gift, a token of his love for no specific reason. Then that day become commemorated into a holiday, so now every couple has to do something on one specific day. The lesson in Valentine's day is to treasure each other. Dating or not, married or not, Jesus calls us to love each other. Every day.

So, lets try to love each other tomorrow. Instead of speeding up while driving, let the car trying to merge into your lane ahead of you; tell a stranger he or she is awesome. Smile and say hello to someone.

Fellow singles, lets not be haters. Yes, I know it hurts. It really feels like a slap in the face, but if it's one thing I have learned this year, it's that I am loved by my family and by my friends and by God.

Yes, I have reclaimed Valentine's day. How? By remembering I'm loved, even if a boy does not send me a card or a box of chocolates. I am loved, and so are you, dear reader. Single or in a relationship or married or divorced or widowed.

So whether you are dodging Cupid's arrow tomorrow or wearing a target on your forehead, remember that you are loved. I'll try to do the same.

But, if any gentleman out there or a friend wants to send flowers, I'll happily receive them. I am, after all, a hopeful romantic. :)