Social Experiment: Update!

Oh yes, there is an update.

Here's what I'm referencing: http://smileyface5.blogspot.com/2010/10/social-experiment.html

If you're like me, then you're too lazy to click on the link and read my previous post. Summary: In October 2010 ,I went out with some friends to the same spot 2 nights in a row. Saw the same guy twice. I had given him my number the first night, but I never heard from him. Shocking.

Fast forward to June 2011. While home, I received a random voicemail from some guy named Kevin looking to talk to an Erin whom he met in Las Vegas. While I had just recently went to Las Vegas, I had not met a Kevin. There was no "Hangover" plot during my first trip to Vegas. Well, you'll just have to trust me, since what happens in Vegas stays there.

I ignored it, because I didn't get it until several hours after he left the message. I figured he had figured out that he had dialed the wrong number.

Lets fast forward a tiny bit more to last week. I receive a text message from a phone # that is not in my address book. I ask who it is; he tells me his name is Kevin. I tell him that I do not know him. He was looking for an Erin Reese. He's trying to figure out how he knows me. I'm certain I don't know him and assume he must have entered a phone number wrong of the person he had met. So he finally says, well maybe we met at a bar. October 2010 flashed in my mind. Oh...yes, we met at Blue foot. He pretends he remembers me but gets all the details wrong.

I haven't learned my lesson either. I gave out my phone number last night. I was very surprised to receive a text message from the guy today. Just before church, of course. God has impeccable timing. I think dating is a social experiment I will never fully understand. It's a good thing I don't mind trial and error...

Loneliness in the digital age

I am an only child. I live alone. I'm introverted. I am single.

It should not be surprising that I have moments in which I feel lonely.

It's a feeling a loathe. I try to avoid it, a twisted hide and seek dodgeball kind of game. Despite my Herculean efforts, the loneliness persists.

Smart phones are not smart. Keep in mind, I am biased because I have yet to jump on the smart phone bandwagon. Also, let me be clear, I am not judging those of you with smart phones. They are quite convenient, especially the map/GPS function. I have definitely benefited from that function. I am merely commenting on this new cultural phenomenon.

As I was saying, smart phones seem to be more codependent than smart. People check them frequently. Even I, with my "dumb" phone, will check my phone when I feel lonely or bored.

E-mail, twitter, Facebook, text messages. People are connecting through written text. It's a wonderful thing. Perhaps it's my introverted side protesting, but I am cautious of being constantly available via the internet and/or smart phones.

What about time for reflection?

And now I must confess that I avoid time to reflect. It's something I want to do but have difficulty making time for it. Facebook sucks me in every time.

My point is that despite the instant connections through smart phones, loneliness persists.

Is there a cure for loneliness?

The cure is quite a process, but, personally, it has involved me cultivating a relationship with Jesus Christ. I realize this might sound contrite. As meaningful and incredible as my journey has been (and will continue to be), I have no idea how to explain it. Partially because I still do not understand it myself.

All I know is that God has pursued me. He has saved me from the choking yoke of sin. After accepting Jesus as my Savior in 2009, I lost 40 pounds through Weight Watchers. I learned healthy eating habits and realized the value of hydration. I started running with a dear friend, who kept me accountable (she still does 2 years later!). I thought God was so cool. Last year, I first struggled with God. Things were not going my way. My weight was up and down like a yo-yo. I broke up with my boyfriend, partially for reasons aligned with the word of God. Yet, I felt sad and lonely. It did not make sense to me. I thought following God's will was associated with joy. I became angry about feeling sad and lonely. After 7 months, I finally admitted that I needed to see a counselor. God's presence during my counseling sessions is undeniable. It's a precious gift that reminds me He is pursuing me. It has been a painful and difficult process. I'd work so hard to be in control. I became so frustrated that I gave up. I wrote in my journal telling Jesus it was up to Him, because I was done. That's when things turned around. I'm still learning; I'm still learning to seek God instead of my stand-by idols. I'm still developing my relationship with God.

I still feel lonely, but I know it does not mean I am alone. God is always with me.

1 Corinthians 3:16
Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?

Who says you can't go home?

My memories swirl between fuzzy and clear and back to fuzzy. This post is probably the best way to preserve my memories before my recall distorts what happened. Here are some highlights, in no particular order, as my memories do not follow a chronological order.

1. Thunder, lightning, and rain. Alas, my family and friends already had their fill of rain, but it's a novelty for a girl from San Diego. I never thought the rain would be a delightful homecoming.

2. Practicing my golf swing. From a swing and a miss to a high arc.

3. Coming in 2nd place during a 5k race in Rouses Point. I averaged a 10 minute mile and there were 7-8 people in my age range.

4. Seeing deer. I saw a deer with my bestest friend as well as while walking with my mom. Walking is another highlight.

5. Visiting my bestest friend 3 times. Our smiles and laughter outnumber grains of sand. Who knew marshmallows equaled happiness.

6. A celebration of 10 years post high school graduation with a very special retired English teacher.

7. A flash rainstorm while dining in Lake Placid. Soggy calamari and chips never tasted so good.

8. Visiting family. Nothing beats being adored by younger cousins and reconnecting with family who knew me when I was knee-high.

9. Chocolate world, chocolate world, chocolate world! Watching my mom take a jello shot at 9 in the morning and going to see Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow in concert with 2 of my cousins.

10. Adopting a gag from Big Bang Theory in which I offer my Dad a "piece of chocolate" as positive reinforcement.

11. "Helping" my mom prepare for the family cook out. The first 20 minutes had us doubting the effectiveness of working together. Baking raspberry streusel muffins and banana bread. Making white chocolate chip macadamia nut pancakes and eating pumpkin pancakes.

12. Eating so many delicious things, including a michigan and an ice cream cone from Harrigans.

13. Sitting in the swing with my dad watching the river. I always miss the fish jumping out of the water.

14. Seeing the stars twinkle while walking outside from my room to the house to use the bathroom in the middle of the night (when else would I see stars?).

15. Floating down the river in an inner tube with my mom; chilling in the river while drinking a milkshake with Bailey's.

16. Drinking wine, snacking, and catching up with my favorite friends from Rouses Point.

17. Going to bed at 9 pm, having the power go out at 9:36 pm during a storm, waking up at 2:52 am to drive to Vermont. And now, I'm leaving on a jet plane. San Diego, here I come. Adios, East Coast.

Safe or 2nd base?

Last night was my first official encounter with the x-ray scanner at the airport. In all my travel last year, I somehow managed to avoid it. In San Diego, I told the agent that I did not want to go through the scanner. I was told to sit down in a chair while the man went to find an agent to pat me down. The female agent did not hide her annoyance. She was especially thrilled when I accepted the offer of a private room for the pat down. The articles in the news made the pat downs sound very invasive. I did not want people watching me being man-handled (well, woman-handled). So, the female agent had to find yet another female agent to witness the pat-down. The whole thing was awkward, but I suspect it was mostly awkward because the agent was so pissy about it.

No, I will not conform to a false-sense of security and go through an x-ray machine without a lead vest. Especially since I am given a lead vest at the dentist when the machine is only pointed toward my mouth. Although, I care more about the principle than the health risk.

I anticipated the pat-down to be analogous to 3rd base, but it was not that thorough.

In a private screening room, I stood on my soap box.

Love and faithfulness

This morning was pretty awesome; so awesome in fact, it set the course for my entire day. I love days like that. I was reviewing my prayer journal and found the page dedicated to myself. I reread two verses in a completely different way.

Proverbs 3: 3

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.

I used to think that I had to be loving and faithful. That's tough. This morning I read it realizing that I need to wear God's love and faithfulness never leave me. I need to trust that God is loving and faithful, always. That He will persevere through the heartache, suffering, and tragedies. Thanks to Pastor Stephen's message on Sunday, I realized that I have difficulty trusting in God. So this morning, I wore a necklace to remind me to trust that God is always loving and faithful.

Philippians 3: 8

More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain in Christ.

Once again, I used to think I understood this verse. I read it in Haiti and thought I needed to rid myself of worldly possessions. That, obviously, did not work out very well. This morning, I read it and saw it as a way of prioritizing things in my life. I so often believe lies that define myself in worldly things (weight, job, appearance, etc.). Today, however, I count them as rubbish compared to Jesus Christ, my Lord. I have the freedom to confess to Jesus how I do define myself in those things and there are things that I do want. Combine that with love and faithfulness, and I trust that God will reveal the desires of my heart. I trust Him to do so, and today I think I experienced joy in waiting. An answered prayer!

Even if for a day, I am thankful to have been able to trust in God's love and faithfulness and consider all things rubbish compared to Jesus. Pray for me, as tomorrow is a new day!

A difficult thought.

At the whole gospel class this morning through my church, I heard the speaker, Dr. Gates, tell a story from a male friend in South Africa. In it, the man was with his girlfriend in high school. His girlfriend was shot by a police officer or some militant man. An officer had stood over them with his gun but left instead of shooting either of them. Dr. Gates commented on how his friend had described that officer as a "Christian brother." Either Dr. Gates or the friend described it as a "perverted Christianity."

This story sparked a thought. No matter how "bad" or "evil" we judge someone to be based upon his or her actions, we are all brothers and sisters. We all need a Savior.

Being "pretty good" is not enough. Jesus lived perfectly and is willing to share His perfect record with us. He does not hoard His Father's kingdom; He shares it with us. He wants us to enter His kingdom.

The harsh reality is that we all need a Savior; our system for defining bad actions is just that: ours.

Fuel for an SLP

Today was Friday; sometimes, I feel so tired by the end of the week that a Friday is more like a Monday. I did not want to get out of bed. I did not want to go to work. I enjoy working, so to not want to go is significant. Some days, I just want to curl up into a ball.

By the grace of God, I arrived to work on time. My morning appointment did not show. I was annoyed but glad to have time to accomplish other tasks.

My first group was two students who stutter. One is in third grade while the other is in second grade. One teacher reported that the student was participating more and using a strategy we had practiced the week before. The other student reported saying words she used to avoid. I was thrilled, so speech time became a time of celebration. The best part? They wanted to learn more, so they practiced math problems on the whiteboard. I was floating on air.

I also ran around my classroom with a group of kindergarten students playing zombies. It was really fun. It's also not unusual.

The second highlight of my day was exiting a student from special education services. He no longer needed speech therapy. It's just such a blessing to see the parent, the teacher, and myself supporting a student. It's also bittersweet to graduate students from speech. I'm so proud, but it means I no longer get to work with the student. He is such a good role model for pretend play; he has a convincing dragon impression.

As an added bonus, I practiced my Spanish today with a parent. We did fairly well communicating. Her daughter only translated for us a few times. I really just need to make up words, because half the time what I would have made up is actually correct.

I really am doing the job I was created to do.