Part of the reason why we tailgated was all the heaviness of life's circumstances. I feel like I've been hearing about death a lot lately from people whom I've come into contact. Usually death is more sporadic, but it's been in my face a bit this week. Each time the news of death comes closer and closer to my inner circle.
Shortly after the service began, Kelly asked to talk with me outside. It was fabulous to see her, but her tone indicated a serious discussion. I thought something happened to her personally. She began talking about her friend Ryan. We had hung out a few years ago when he lived in San Diego. We weren't close, but we'd chat if we saw each other on the street. So she mentions Ryan and I just knew death had struck again. He died in Hawaii. He was ready for round 2 of jumping from a waterfall and slipped. The Grim Reaper at least took him instantly.
I was shocked and teary-eyed.
We return to the service and I'm shaken but relieved to be sitting with my entire community group. I just needed them to be there. I didn't even share the news with anyone. I felt better sandwiched between 2 members; I felt surrounded by Jesus.
I began praying for Ryan's family, Kelly, and then something clicked. Jesus conquered death. He died and rose upward to Heaven. He fought our fight and kicked ass. He died so Ryan could return to Heaven. Yes, death is sad, but it also means we return to God and Jesus in Heaven. Jesus has prepared a room for us. I bet it's better than any room you've seen on Cribs or Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
It's still a difficult thought with which to cope. Then the scripture read at church blew me away.
Philippians 4:10-13
I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Paul nailed the description. That's what I want. I want Jesus to be my center. I get distracted and sometimes he gets a little squished in the center or pushed out. Jesus walks with me wherever I go. He's lived life on earth once before; he can help me through it. He shares my joy and tears. He never walks away in disgust or becomes distracted by a cat or shiny lights (like I would).
I continue to see Jesus in my life and cannot adequately express my gratitude for his love and sacrifice for me and everyone else in the world.
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