Testify

So, one of my biggest sins is, obviously, one that brings me great shame. I love food. Many times, I cannot say no. Part of my journey to Jesus involved joining Weight Watchers back in January. From January to June, the pounds melted off and I lost 29 pounds. The summer was like a yo-yo, and I have not fully recommitted to making good food choices. I've stayed between having lost 25 and 29 pounds. I call on Jesus big time.

He's helped big time. This month alone I found will power to avoid all the damn treats in the lounge at work.

This week was particularly difficult. My week begins on Thursday and ends on Wednesday, when I get weighed. Last Thursday my dinner was french fries, onion rings, Guiness, some ice cream, then some more ice cream with peanut butter added. Friday I lost all will power. I ate so many calories. a piece of coffee cake, half a bagel with cream cheese, a mini-muffin, three-quarters of a Costco lemon poppyseed muffin, and more that I cannot recall on top of the food I brought for lunch and snacks. Over the weekend I ate Chinese food and breakfast at Coco's. Finally, the guilt started to set in. I prayed and started to feel more on track. I'd plan ahead and then not stick to the plan. I think Sunday was my best day. Monday I was doing well until I decided to make chocolate chip cookies. Tuesday I cooked my own dinner and then ate again with IOB. Ridiculous. Out of control. So, clearly, I'm dreading the scale the most I ever have in the past nine months.

I've been praying to Jesus: thanking Him for his help as I have won some battles, but pleading with Him because I'm losing the war. Today while driving to my Weight Watchers meeting, I'm telling him how I see His help yet still feel abadoned. I need MORE help.

In the back of my mind, I'm hoping that I will have lost weight anyway. I did jog Sunday morning, go to an aerobics class, and go to Boot Camp during the week. Truly, I made bad choices and knew I had to accept the consequences.

After telling Jesus how I felt abandoned, I stepped on the scale. For the first time, I looked straight down. I did not look at my weight until after the meeting. The leader of the meeting said, "good job" after she weighed me and I was very confused. I still would not look. I was afraid of being disappioned, and I knew I would not be able to prevent the tears. I felt close to rock bottom. The meeting was helpful and I began to feel better. I planned to buy a journal after the meeting, so I could grab a pencil to write down my feelings instead of grabbing a piece of chocolate.

While walking to my car, I looked at my weight. I lost 0.4 pounds for a total of 29.6 pounds lost. I began to cry as I saw how Jesus had not abandoned me. Saying "thank you" does not feel sufficient. The biblical thing to do is to share it with others. So, I'll be posting this very private blog entry on facebook for all my friends to see. Prayer works. I encourage you to try it.