I'm fairly certain it is safe to say that Haiti will change me as a person. I welcome this change. I appreciate that I cannot anticipate how I will change. I look forward to meeting God in new ways. I anticipate seeing Jesus show up. I offer myself to God as an unworthy and incapable servant.
I mistakenly think I can prepare for such a trip. God has been preparing me in ways unbeknown to me, but here are some things that I think will help.
1. I've been reading a book about Mother Teresa. Wow! Her dedication to Jesus is astounding. I have no words to express the impact of this book, and I haven't even finished it yet. It is thought-provoking. It is encouraging. She is a role model. She is an ordinary person. She was humble, because she knew her sins. While I think she's a much better person than I am, I don't think she would ever agree. She is a reminder that we are all sinners, and through God nothing is impossible (Luke 1:37). She is an inspiration for ministry work everywhere. She lived in poverty; she lived with the people she served. She lived the way Jesus taught us to live. Yet once she began her ministry, she felt as if she were nobody to God. She felt alone. She had moments of affirmation, but the majority of the time she felt alone. I don't think I could get out of bed if I felt as if God had abandoned me. What did Mother Teresa do? She smiled. Many of the sisters she lived with and worked with did not know her darkness. (If I give you a copy of this book, do not be surprised!)
2. I've spent some time praying about Haiti. I've spent some time with God while reading the Bible and while writing in my journal. Since I've started writing daily devotionals in December, I've felt as if the more time I spend with God or the more time I consistently spend with God, I begin to crave more time with God. I think what has been most beneficial is reminding myself to trust in God. Do I worry about a hurricane? packing? safety? Only until I remind myself that God will sustain me just as he sustains the Haitian people. I am thankful that I can keep renewing my trust in God to provide.
3. I'm trying to read about previous mission trips. This is my first mission trip. I have no idea what to expect. While I understand that very few people know what to expect from this trip, I am reminded of my "leap first, look second" decision-making tactics.
4. What is my motivation to go? A, I must confess my selfishness. I may very well receive more from the Haitian people than I am able to give to them. I'm really trusting God to use me as His instrument. If ever there were a time for me to obey to the fullest, this is it! B, I was inspired by my friend, Adam McLane (www.adammclane.com); he went in February. When he announced he was going, I was a little jealous. It sounded like an amazing opportunity; I was impressed to see Jesus working in his life. I often see Jesus working in Adam's life. It's encouraging to see him respond so readily. When Adam returned from Haiti, he talked about our community group going together. There's one thing I need to explain about my community group. We are this messy group of people who God brought together. I am certain God brought us together, because the group just works. When we get an idea, we will run with it. (I just have to give examples of past endeavors: a sex-trafficking awareness party at a bar, a bonfire at the beach where we fed a seemingly homeless man as well as some people celebrating 4/20 as well as practicing their fire-twirling techniques, breakfast tailgating before church since our pastor made a football comparison between church and the game, and a spam carving contest.) So when Adam talked about going, I agreed. There isn't much I won't do without the support of my community group. C, I need perspective in my life. I am reminded of the following verse:
Luke 18:25
Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.
I often feel like that rich person. I do not want to be that person. Yet as a person living in America, how can I escape being such a person? How can I serve others? How can I use my resources to glorify God? I hope my trip to Haiti is another step in this process. D, I've only traveled to Canada and Mexico. While jogging with Kristen McLane and Amy, I decided that I wanted to combine my desire to travel with my desire to serve God. I explored other options for a mission trip, but the path led to Haiti.
5. What do I hope will happen in Haiti? I have many expectations for not knowing what to expect. My biggest expectation is a deeper understanding of what God meant when he called Mother Teresa to "Come be their victim" (p. 77). He asked her to be a victim of the people in India. Can I be a victim of the Haitian people? Can I suffer for them to show them God's love for them? What is God's plan in this? Will I see others acting as a victim for the Haitian people?
Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I will be packing as much as I can to bring to Haiti. Saturday evening I will attend a friend's wedding. Sunday I will stay with Cathie, a fellow traveler to Haiti. The morning of July 19, we fly to Haiti. We will be on the same flight as Adam and Kristen from Fort Lauderdale to Port au Prince. I have not seen the McLanes in a month, which is significant since we have a weekly quota of at least 3 days per week. I am truly excited to go, even though I realize it may be the hardest 6 days I've ever experienced.
Psalm 18:2
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
He is an awesome God, and I look forward to experiencing Him in new ways.
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