Returning

So, I decided to go to church with my mom tonight. It has been 7 years (plus or minus) since I had last entered a Catholic church. Even though I had started attending church regularly last year, I did not want to venture back.
Going with her was an impulsive decision. I am beginning to think that many of my decisions are rather impulsive. I am not sure if this is reckless or just a way for me to seize an opportunity by not over-thinking.
Regardless, we arrived late. I laughed as I reminded my mom about how my church (which is Presbyterian, but the joke is that only the Pastor is Presbyterian) starts later than scheduled.
As we entered and scouted a pew to sit in, I was immediately reminded of how much of the ritual I had forgotten. My mom kneeled before entering the pew. Oh yeah...I thought as I dipped my knee toward the floor. Since we were late, everyone else was standing. I also stood, but then I noticed my mom was kneeling to pray. Right...How could I forget about praying before mass started. This time I placed my knees on the padded kneeler (there must be a better word for it) and said a prayer. I asked to appreciate the mass, since most memories are riddled with negativity.
Maybe it was because of the heat, but I swear it was one of the shortest masses I have ever attended. The irony is that I always wanted them to be short growing up. After 1.5 hour services at my church, I was almost disappointed it was so brief. The hymns sung were slow and from an organ. The priest led the singing. They sung my favorite: Aleluia. I do not remember why it is my favorite, but it was my favorite as a youngster.
I forgot about the missalette, so I wasn't able to follow along for the First Reading.
After forgetting this and more, I was surprised that I remembered most of the responses for the Eucharist. While writing in my journal earlier, I could not recall a specific line, but I just remembered it: Lord I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.

Lord, I am not worthy. I often read Psalm 51 to confess my sins and rejoice in your grace. Thank you for your unfailing love and great compassion. Thank you for your grace; thank you for saying the word.

In returning to a Catholic mass, I was able to see it with a new perspective. It did not change, but I had. I was able to appreciate the meaning behind the rituals. I was able to see Jesus there.